


Kind and Decent

by Kneekeyta



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 04:14:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5652064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kneekeyta/pseuds/Kneekeyta





	Kind and Decent

Her breathing becomes shallow, the pounding of her heart grows louder in her ears, there’s a lump in her throat, her chest constricts, that feeling of fear and panic reaches its high and there’s nothing left for her to do but let it consume her; she whispers curses to herself for leaving her life line at home, for forgetting the one thing that helps her make it through the day. Now she is forced to live in the actual fucked up world for the next 8 hours, with no where to escape, nothing to shield her from the cruel remarks of others, she would have to suffer through all because she forgot her headphones.  

Rae tried to calm her breathing after she emptied the entire contents of her backpack, she had searched and sifted before just turning it upside down allowing everything to come tumbling out, only to find her headphones were not there. She closed her eyes and whispered “fuck” realizing she had left them on her bed. Her Walkman’s batteries had died, so she disconnect her headphones so she wouldn’t have to mind after the chord when she went downstairs to search for batteries, but her mum came in shortly ushering her off saying she was going to be late for school, she collected the batteries swiftly then made her way upstairs when she heard her baby sister shrieking, she shuddered at the high pitched scream tossing her Walkman and batteries in her bag all while her mum was shouting for her to hurry.  

When she got to the gates of her college she reached in her bag for her solace, she pulled out her Walkman and batteries replacing the old with the new, she then her hand frantically searched for her headphones but couldn’t find them, she walked over to a near by table and continued to search until she emptied out her bag. She took deep breaths counting to ten knowing what she would have to endure once she stepped inside the halls. She had heard it all before but it had been a while as she had her music to drown it out, she could get lost in her own world while she was mocked in another.  

She walked slowly to the doors of the school knowing it was going to be a bad day, she took a deep breath opened the door and walked in. She could hear all the chattering and laughing, she kept her head down trying to keep close to the wall and out of the way, soon she could hear a voice she knew all to well and decided to take a sharp left and duck into the girls bathroom. She went into one of the stalls and figured it was best just to wait it out until the bell rang, she only had about ten minutes so she could hack it until then, if that incessant fucking dripping would stop, she closed her eyes taking deep breaths, and suddenly heard the bell ring, she waited a moment and when she exited the bathroom most of the kids had dispersed and so she quickly made her way to class.  

The day was going by entirely to slowly and she was to aware of what was going on her around her, in class she was fine, but walking to and from was a lot to process, all the chattering of who’s hot and who’s not, of ‘did you see what she was wearing’ 'did you slip it to her’, the whispered and not so whispered remarks about her and the of chorus the laughter that followed, it made her hands shake so she would grip her backpack and silently count to ten. 

It was finally lunch and she had a free period following, she would normally spend it in the library, headphones on while reading a book, but as luck would have it a class was scheduled to use the library so it would be closed to other students during lunch and through her free period. She sighed and made her way to the common room which was always empty during lunch but other students would mill in after and she would have to leave, to avoid the snickering and whispers.  

She decided to sit at the table and not on one of the sofas, she opened up her backpack taking out a book going to her marked page she set the bookmark aside and began to read, but after a few moments she found it was entirely to quiet, she wasn’t used to not having her music, she would always have it playing when she wasn’t in class. Her eyes flicked up to the stereo in the corner, she took out her Walkman and wondered if she could pop her mix tape in for a bit, with the silence growing she popped out the tape and made her way over to the stereo and slid it in the deck, there was a muffled crackling sound but soon _Don’t look back in anger_ began to play and she sighed in relief and walked back over to the table, she sat down gingerly picking up her book and began to read. Two chapters later she marked her place and set her book aside and pulled her math homework out figuring she might as well get it done and wouldn’t have to bother at home where her baby sister was sure to be screaming. She bobbed her head and sang along softly to Butterfly, then froze when she heard the door open and giggling,  _Stacey_.  

She stilled for a moment figuring how she could just sneak out but then there was the problem of her mix, she couldn’t leave it, but what price would she pay if she went and got it. She moved slowly piling her things in her back pack when she heard Stacey say, “Finn, here you are, why weren’t you at lunch, were you in here the entire time?”  

Rae’s heart began to pound, she knew he wasn’t in here when he came in, she would have noticed if the fittest lad in school was in here when she walked in, she chanced a look up and Stacey had her back to her and so did her gang, she could see half of Finn, his eyes flickered to Rae’s for a brief second and he answered “been here for a bit” and shrugged.  

Rae tried her best to breathe slow and deep, she wondered when he came in, how she didn’t notice that he came in, and tried to ignore the fact that he probably most likely heard her singing, _fuck, fuck, fuck_ , was all that was going through her mind.  

“What’s with this music?” Stacey scoffed, bringing Rae out of her thoughts, she walked over to the stereo pressing stop and flipped through the stack of cds, Rae watched her closely and when she heard the horrific sounds of the Backstreet Boys no amount of self control could stop her eye roll, she heard a small chuckle and looked to see Finn smiling at her, she wasn’t sure how to process it, so she looked away swiftly, she gathered up her backpack stood up and accidently made eye contact with Stacey who had a sinister grin on her face, Rae turned to make her way to the door all worries of leaving her mix behind gone, she thought maybe she could just get it later after school, as she opened the door she heard Stacey say in the most insincere voice “no, don’t leave, come back” and a fit of laughter following. Rae walked away from the common room as fast as she could, she still had her free period and with nowhere else to go she would just have to sit outside.  

She pushed open the doors and stepped out noticing the gloom in the sky, she hoped the rain would hold out until her next class, she walked over to a table and set her bag down, she still had about 45 minutes to kill so she pulled out her diary and began to write, she paused momentarily to take a drink of water, she pulled her water bottle out of her bag and finished off the remains, she set the empty bottle on the table and picked up her pen and began to write, soon the wind picked up and the bottle rolled off and away from the table, she put down her pen and went to chase the bottle which kept rolling uncoordinatedly in the wind, she finally picked it up and walked over to a trash bin and dropped it inside. She walked back over to the table and sat down to her diary which she had left open, and sitting on top of it was her mix tape and a pair of headphones, she furrowed her brows and started to look around, when she looked to her right she saw Finn opening the door to the school and walk in.  

She smiled small to her self and then hesitantly pulled out her Walkman popping in her mix ,she picked up what she assumed to be Finns headphones plugging them into the jack, she placed one in each ear and pressed play, the mix picking up in the middle of _Butterfly_ , she smiled in relief and picked up her pen to continue writing in her diary, then she saw it, written plain as day,  

_looked like you needed these._

_p.s. cool mix_

She was so happy to have her mix and be able to listen to it she didn’t stop to think how he knew she needed headphones or why he would he give her his headphones, and for that matter how did he know it was her mix, she worried her bottom lip then  thought _fuck_ _what if he read my diary entry_ , she looked back at what she wrote and luckily it was a rant about how the Backstreet Boys is everything that was wrong with music. She smiled relived that it was nothing embarrassing or incriminating.   

She finished her diary entry, entailing her thoughts on how Finn knew it was her mix and how he knew she needed headphones and why he would offer up his own, but there was no solid conclusion she could come to. The bell rang and she gathered up her things, slinging her backpack over her shoulders and walked to school headphones on music playing.  

As she walked to her last class she couldn’t help the little smile on her face, as she glanced up to turn down the hall she caught Finn’s eye he gave her a little nod and wink before one of his friends tossed a football at him, Rae smiled ducking her head as she continued walking thinking, _maybe, there are kind and decent people in this fucked up world._


End file.
